Maybe Most Old People Aren't All Full of It

I have spent the last few years writing off my parents’ generation, specifically due to the words and actions of five of my family members. They have shown a real lack of character, insight, and emotional intelligence in our interactions. They have spawned and perpetuated conflict in just about everything that they have done while denying any responsibility for all of the shit that they have stirred up. I have wrongly assumed that most members of that generation are the same as the above mentioned knuckleheads. In doing so, I have probably missed out on a lot of good interaction and advice. Three conversations and visits have helped to change my point of view, at least partially.

The first was with an uncle. I call him an uncle even though we are not related. He is as close to me and my family as any blood relative. I have known him all of my life. His son was one of my closest friends growing up. He and his family are some of the best people that I know. They know at a very profound and fundamental level what family is supposed to mean. This uncle is cool and not at all in an artificial or forced way. He is so cool that he doesn’t know how cool he is. He is always smiling and joking; he is great to be around.

Our conversation was nothing spectacular. He simply showed me some new renovations that he and my aunt were doing to their house. They have gone through several iterations of renovation, each to a different section and each enhancing the function and livability of their house. Nothing that they were doing was done to outdo their neighbors. Instead they were moving forward to take advantage of everything that they had to improve the quality of their lives. The changes that they were making reflected a kind of conscious evolution that is an expression of wisdom.

The second conversation was with another uncle. He came over a couple of days after my father died. (That is so hard to write.) I asked him some questions about his experiences because I am contemplating doing some things that he has already done. He gave me some good advice and related some of his experiences and mistakes.

Our conversation quickly turned to the relationship between our families. There have been periods of years where we didn’t interact. It wasn’t due to any personal animosity; instead it was due to conflict between my mother and his sister. We both knew that the silliness between them was unnecessary and shouldn’t have gone as far as it did to keep our families apart. It let me know that, for his part, he was ending it right there, even though it had nothing to do with him. I was glad for his words because I felt the same way.

The third conversation was with my older brother. Well, it wasn’t so much a conversation as a recapitulation of our earlier, disappointing interaction. My brother is the type of person who makes you want to beat his ass. When we went to Virginia to bury my cousin, he showed up drunk and stank. One of my cousin’s friends showed up and threatened to whip his ass if he embarrassed our family in public ever again. I really couldn’t object or jump in because I agreed with him.

When we went to Virginia to memorialize my dad, my younger brother and I stayed with my older brother at my cousin’s house. Of course, his demons and addictions were on full display. It was disgusting and embarrassing that he decided to act the way he did. We went and stayed with another cousin the second and third nights that we were there, mostly to keep from literally killing him.

My brother has spent his whole life – 50 years – defined by pain or anger or something. He can’t seem to let go of it all to free himself. His attitude and his actions have alienated everyone around him. His existence must be lonely. He is either looking to prove himself or he is looking for a fight. Whatever it is that he is looking for, I hope I am not around when he finds it. He is in for a world of hurt and I prefer not to be around to see it or to get caught up in it.

I relate all of this to say that I am going to do my best to stop generalizing about groups of people based on involuntary things like age. I am also going to stop extrapolating based on my experience with a few idiots. Maybe all baby boomers aren’t nuts and full of shit. My uncles have a lot of wisdom and positive examples to offer. What they have to offer has nothing to do with my narrow preconceptions.