I Gotta Stop Saying I Gotta

It seems like every time that I try to fix things I get caught up in some mess. When I try to help people do things I get the short end of the stick. People talk about me bad. I just can’t win. And every time I end up in a bad position due to my altruism, the old phrase “no good deed ever goes unpunished” comes to mind.

I have spent a lot of time wondering why bad things happen when I try to do the “right thing.” I mean, it is the right thing. I was taught that the best thing to do when you see a problem is to try to solve it. As a “good” person, I should take responsibility for what goes on around me, right.

Or maybe this, like so many things that I grew up believing, just isn’t true. I think that all of this time, I have been overstepping my boundaries and interfering with the natural progression of events. Most of the things in which I have involved myself (unnecessarily) have been things which could just as easily have progressed or resolved without my interference.

Maybe it’s arrogance or pride, or a misplaced sense or justice that I picked up from watching too much television as a kid. Who knows? Regardless, I find myself saying that “I gotta do this” or “I gotta make this work.” Most of the time, I really don’t “gotta.”

I think I am a natural problem solver. I like finding resolutions or correct answers; it speaks to my meticulous and precise (dare I say perfectionist) nature. Some of the people in my circles have recognized that and taken advantage of that many times. They screw things up and leave them for me to fix. They don’t do this out of necessity or of some sense of reciprocity or out of fair play. They do it out of a criminal sense of entitlement. “I made a mess and you have to clean it up.” They know that my dumb/smart ass will swoop in to try to help matters and put out the fire.

I think that my actions in the long term have a destructive side. No one learns the lesson that will prevent future recurrences. I know that I haven’t learned because I keep getting caught up. I know that the sources of the problem haven’t learned either because they keep repeating their mistakes. There are no consequences, so why shouldn’t they keep doing stupid stuff. They don’t have to clean up after themselves.

I have recently spent time consciously restraining myself from jumping to the rescue. Hopefully my restraint will retrain me to let things happen as they will. Someone in my life committed to doing something that takes up all of their time, gives them no latitude to do anything else, and causes them stress and grief. I resolved that since they signed up for it, they should have to face the consequences, repercussions, and fallout of their commitment.

I talked to them about the situation. They said that the situation is getting out of hand and that they are going to have to find a better alternative. I simply told them that I had to let them see that this would happen. I also knew that I had to see it to know that it would eventually play out the way that it did. Fortunately, this time I was not the primary actor; I didn’t sustain a lot of punishment for my minor role in this situation.

Something struck me a couple of days ago. Whenever I enter into one of these situations, I talk about taking responsibility. In an oddball way, that phraseology may be the key to understanding my bad results. I am taking responsibility. Should I be taking the responsibility? Does it belong to me? Maybe the act of “taking” responsibility is, on some Karmic level, a criminal act. By interfering with the natural motion and flow of the Universe, I am disturbing some essential lesson being taught to the person who creates the problem that I want to solve.

Maybe my poor results are the Universe giving me a piece of the punishment meant for the other transgressors. I am just too stupid to get out of the way and let those who deserve punishment take it. It can be painful to watch someone hose themselves. But I am sure that watching is less painful than absorbing real punishment. I think that what I must do is be more mindful of what I step into. I have got to let things be as they are, let go of any false need to save the day and keep on moving.