The Worst Thing I Ever Said

I have gotten into some knock down, drag out fights and arguments in my brief time on this planet. I have said some things that were completely out of pocket and inappropriate. I have said some truly hurtful things, only a few of which I regret. I have held grudges and talked about people behind their backs. I regret all of those incidents because they contradict my attempts to be a man of integrity. I have said things in anger that should not have been said. And I have said things from places of fear and immaturity that forced me to grow into a better man.

None of those circumstances, however, were the place and time I most regret saying something hurtful. The most hurtful thing that I have ever said to someone did not occur in a fight or an argument. The worst thing that I have ever said wasn’t a lie or a rumor or a terrible opinion. It was the truth, or more accurately, a fact.
The worst thing that I ever said to someone was telling my dad that my mom had sold a piece of property. I don’t know what his expectations were or what his attachments were to that property. The house was the first house in which my family lived. None of us had lived in it in years. My mother had rented it out and subsequently decided to sell it.

I told him because he needed to know. But, I will never forget the look on his face when I told him. He looked like someone had given him a gut shot with a wrecking ball. It was the most hurt that I had ever seen the man. I had never seen him like that. He hardly ever let on when he was in any type of pain when he got hurt or was sick with a cold or flu. And as he has grown older and experienced different traumas and health challenges, he just accepted the consequences of aging because he can’t stop time. I don’t know if it is a type of armor that he has always worn or that he just didn’t let things get to him.

This time, he looked like he wanted to nuke the world and cry a river of tears. He looked like he was in shock. I still don’t know why it hit him so hard and I’m not sure that I will ever ask.

I felt really bad after I told him because I could tell that he felt bad. I didn’t feel guilty about telling him, just bad. I didn’t do anything to harm him intentionally, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about his reaction. I was glad to be honest with him so that he knew what was going on. I just never thought that it would hit him the way it did. I can honestly say I never want to see him look like that again.

There is no way to know how my words will affect anyone or how they will affect a situation. I know that I would rather be truthful with the people I care about than to lead them on. I believe that misleading people can end up being more hurtful and damaging in the long run. Still, I never want to see anyone hurt the way my dad was hurt on that day.