Letting Go of Expectation

I think that in attempting to build my life, I have been trying to shape the way things are supposed to occur and look and feel. Initially, this does not seem unreasonable. I have set up all kinds of things with the expectation of results that occur within a certain ranges. If I choose to eat a certain food that I have eaten before, I expect it to taste a certain way and to have a certain effect. If I play a DVD or CD that I have seen before, I expect the movie’s plot to proceed or the songs to sound the way they did the other times that I played them. If I tune in to ESPN, I expect to see programming about sports.

I have been taught/conditioned that things work this way. Plug in condition A to situation B and get result C. A cause generates an effect, so on and so forth. Outside of strictly controlled conditions, my life has never really worked that way. Oftentimes, I am unable to fully enjoy or experience the fullness of my life because I don’t recognize favorable situations as they occur. I expect things to look a certain way or come in a package that is recognizable and pleasant to my senses. If it doesn’t come in that packaging, I may mistakenly dismiss the opportunity that this thing or circumstance represents.

I almost missed out on the best job that I ever had because I was unfamiliar with the shape in which it came. An agency sent me to interview with a company. My first reaction was, “What do they have to do with the industry that I am trying to enter? They do something completely different.” Of course, I went and got the job and had one of the best working experiences that I ever had. Every day was a learning experience. I was surrounded by interesting people who had brilliant ideas and observations about the world.

I must admit that I didn’t consciously learn this lesson through this experience. I had an opportunity to get an even better job after I was laid off from the first job. I didn’t take it because I was not open to the form that the experience would have taken. I will never know what kind of fantastic growth experience that I missed. I kicked myself really hard for giving up on that opportunity.

Unfortunately, all of this expectation has another effect. Getting caught up in expecting a certain form or shape leads to having the same experience over and over. Even if that experience is pleasurable, repeating the same thing over and over leads to stagnation and decline. Sometimes when things are painful, the pain indicates growth and newness. A wise man once told me that when you're green you grow; when you're ripe you rot.

I have written all of this to say that I have to be less prejudiced about the way an opportunity looks and more open to the possibilities that accompany the opportunity. Not every situation is going to be labeled: ”You will get rich and meet the woman of your dreams” or “You will travel to far-flung, exotic places” or even “Enlightenment is just around the corner.” It will probably say:”I know that this looks a little odd, but just give it a chance.” And, maybe that is one of the beautiful mysteries of the life that I lead.

I really can’t expect everything to be shiny, slick, and to have that new car smell. At some point I may just have to dust my opportunity off, change the oil, and give it a tune up. But once that is completed, it might just take me everywhere that I want to go.