Ill Communication

I have had to backtrack for the last few days to consider what is really going on in my life. I have had to consider the deeper issues and problems that lurk beneath the surface of what is apparent. There seems to be real patterns emerging from what I have been contemplating. One of those problems concerns my communication skills. I have faced problems in how I express myself and how, if at all, I am understood.
The more I talk to people, the more I realize that I speak my own language and, to varying degrees of success, I have to translate that to everyone else with whom I am trying to communicate. I think that I have consistently made the mistake of not establishing a baseline of meaning and a common vocabulary. Also, I find myself speaking over people’s heads or in conceptual terms to which many people can’t relate.

I have previously experienced this type of problem; I just didn’t consider it problematic. I use words that I think describe a situation – words that are accurate, concise, and that appear on many standardized aptitude tests. They precisely fit the circumstance. And, when I use them, I get a bunch of blank looks. At one point, I thought that, even though I started ahead of the curve, that everyone would catch up.

That never happened. It probably never will. That doesn’t say that everyone that I deal with is dumb. Instead, it says that I am not gauging my method of communication correctly. I stay locked up in my head and don’t venture out far enough to establish a real connection and real communication. I didn’t fully realized that while the language that I speak sounds and is written like everyone else’s language, it does not always have the same meaning attached to the words that everyone uses.

I throw around words all day that mean one thing to me. Those same words may take on a completely different meaning when someone else uses them in the same context. Sometimes, I attribute depth of meaning and consequence to communication that is obviously not reciprocated by the person with whom I am engaged in conversation. This does not make me the better person or make the other person shallow; it simply means that we have not established a true level of understanding and communication. (Communication is only possible between equals. – RAW)

I have had conversations where nothing was accomplished and nothing was communicated. It simply became a forum for two people to try to out talk one another or to out express one another. Or maybe it was a polite meeting of people who simply waited for the other to finish speaking before they started speaking. Not truly communication, but far from insulting verbal aggression.

That also doesn’t mean that every conversation will be earth shaking or solve world hunger or cure cancer. It simply means that I have not found a true level of exchange that establishes and works on common terms.

I sometimes find myself taken aback by the way I casually use words, especially those that really have a deeper meaning to me. I can present a couple of common examples of what I mean. Sometimes, I will refer to someone as a friend of mine, knowing full well that I can take or leave this person at the drop of a hat. I really think of a friend as someone with and for whom I would go to war, fight, kill, or die. I have had lots of the former in my lifetime and very few of the latter. Sometimes the latter became the former and vice versa.

I use the word man a lot. Much of the time, that word describes a male over the age of 18 who is legally able to be held responsible for his actions by society. Deep down, I think that it should refer to a person of character, integrity, and respect who, regardless of his age, moves through life with dignity befitting a person who truly understands his place in the world. Now, should I allow so many value judgments to enter into my expression?

I would prefer to live and experience life at a deeper level, where words truly express what I mean and the value I place on my relationships. I would rather have all of my actions and conversations express the essence of my being and appreciate all of the joy and pain that my experience has given me as a truly great gift from the Universe.

Then again, maybe I should just lighten up, drop any pretense that I am carrying with me, and not take all of this shit so seriously.