Limitation

Today I was the recipient of a subtle and very powerful lesson. It happened in a way I never would have expected. All that I can say is that I am grateful that I was alert enough to receive the lesson. Today I found that sometimes small things or a few well placed words can make all of the difference in the journey.

Without getting too deep into my business, I’ll tell you what happened. I had to get off of my ex’s phone plan. I had no idea what I was going to do. My pockets are anorexic and my credit is less than perfect. In other words, I am like a lot of people in this downturn. I can’t really blame the downturn, though. I am in an almost decade long personal recession that started on George W. Bush’s inauguration day.

Like I was saying, I had no idea of what I was going to do. I thought that I was going to get on my sister’s phone plan, but we found out that she was being cheated by her company. Then I asked my brother if I could get on his plan. He can be really iffy and sometimes-y, if you know what I mean. Then my sister came back and said that she would try to get a new plan with the company that I was trying to leave and that I could be on it with her. I was cool with that. So, we went to my cell phone company to see what we could work out. (I have no company endorsements, so I am not naming names to give any free ad space.)

We went to customer service and I laid out what I needed. I gave the customer service agent my particulars and asked her what we could do. As it turned out, my sister couldn’t go forward with the plan to consolidate our phones on one plan. I was starting to get a little bummed out because I knew that I was going to have to spend a whole bunch of money that I didn’t have on a security deposit. The lady that was helping me suggested that she just try to see what I could qualify for. I was about to say no when my sister chimed in to just let her go ahead and try.

Well, much to my surprise, I was able to get my own account with no upfront fees and no hassles. For those of you with a stellar FICO score and money, this is no big deal. In my current state of fiscal distress, that took some doing. Maybe that old pride or potential embarrassment got in the way; I don’t know. Whatever it was it almost stopped me from receiving something that I needed.

As I reflected on the incident and what it means to me, I came up with three things that I need to more fully integrate into my consciousness and my lifestyle. First, I need to be much, much more willing to ask for the things that I want and need. There is no telling what I might get if I simply ask. Second, I should have started with doing the most obvious thing. I have been a customer of that phone company since 2002. Of course they want to keep my business, especially in these hard economic times. I went through the convoluted path of trying to get others to help me when I should have tried to help myself first.

Third, and most importantly, I accepted self-imposed limitations on my access to what I needed. This is probably the most criminal thing that I did against myself. I believed something that the media and all of the naysayers around me were pumping into my head. I did this without question. I spent a whole bunch of time worrying about my credit score and all of the things that I couldn’t do and didn’t have. I chained myself down with some BS and almost missed out on a good opportunity to start getting back on my feet.

As I look back on the last few years, I am beginning to recognize how this type of behavior has probably stopped me from getting a lot of things that I want out of life. I can’t say that I have totally assimilated all of this. I can say that I am going to be much more aware of how I approach these types of situations. I am also more cognizant of how much everyone around me is engaging in these self limiting behaviors. I can’t begin to count how many times people have said that they couldn’t get what they really wanted or how sometimes we have to sacrifice our dreams and interests and “be realistic.” I really hate that phrase, by the way. It seems to be just another way of saying: “Give up. Your dreams and goals aren’t worth a damn. Join us down here in the hell of wasted potential and fear of success.”

I have spent a lot of time over the last four years expecting the worst to happen in a lot of situations. That expectation could very well have turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy that precipitated the breakdowns that I have been experiencing in my life. It makes me wonder how much time I have wasted and how many real opportunities that I have squandered by not speaking up. What have I missed by not taking a chance and asking for what I want? Is this why I haven’t manifested what I truly want out of life?

I am not going to spend any more time contemplating what might have been. Instead, I am just going to be more prepared to recognize the openings that life provides and make a real effort not to get in my own way over things that I have, in the past, perceived to be limitations.