I got some advice from someone who strikes me as very sincere and caring. She instinctively told me that in order to move forward one of the things that I must do in order to move forward is to forgive someone close to me. I needed to let go of all of the perceived injuries and slights that I have felt from them over the course of my relationship with them. I thought for a few minutes and agreed that it was a truly good idea. I would be able to once and for all let go of all of the things that I had carried around with me. I could flush out all of the toxicity that I associated with this person, take back all of the energy that I had devoted to keeping the hurt alive, and get on with my life.
So I took a few days and wrote down all of the things that bothered me generally about the person. I tried to skip all of the ridiculous things that this person had done and focused on the overall tone and tenor of our relationship. The letter was very direct, accusatory, and, dare I say, hurtful. It also fully conveyed my feelings and allowed me a certain level of catharsis.
After talking with a trusted advisor, I determined not to send it to this person. I understood that it helped me. I also understood that the reason that I wrote it was the reason that I could not give it to the person. This person’s attitude and lack of real understanding and flexibility would combine to do further and possibly irreparable damage to our already damaged relationship. Instead, I took it outside to burn it and symbolically destroy and release all that I found hurtful and damaging in our relationship.
I let all of my bad feelings go and for a while everything was good. I took no offense at things that I would have previously allowed to drive me into a blind rage. Slowly, but surely, the same old behaviors started to get to me. I took the step of trying to keep myself separate from my antagonist in an effort to minimize any possible injury and insult.
As I thought about this relationship, I began to think that I was fooling myself about trying to engage in forgiveness. Maybe I was being naïve and hoping to mitigate the effects of this person’s continued destructive behavior. I realized that this person’s behavior was not going to change and that I was going to have to find some way to deal with it.
I talked with my advisor again and we had a good talk about what forgiveness really means and how to begin dealing with these types of situations. He told me that he had coincidently just been to a meeting in which the topic of the invited speaker was forgiveness. This person was a trained psychoanalyst and had some interesting things to say about the subject. He said that forgiveness does not always take a standard shape. It is not that old schoolyard phrase of “forgive and forget.” It is OK in some situations to forgive and subsequently not have anything to do with the offending party. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting and volunteering back into the same, old hurtful situations. In essence, there is no standard definition of forgiving and any type of forgiveness must help people to move forward. (At least that is what I took away from our talk.)
So, I began to consider all of the possibilities of my talk as I went back to interacting with this person. I kept seeing that this person’s behavior was not changing although mine was. They were engaged in the same type of destructive nonsense in which they always participated. I began to understand that they were not going to change because they had no true incentive to change. This person is probably going to their grave as they are now. That is their choice and they on whatever level are fine with who they are, despite the fact that they continue to alienate the people around them to whom they are supposed to be the closest.
All of this brings me to a recent lunch that I had with a very smart friend of mine. We have known each other forever and have had some similar experiences. Talking with him gave me some insight into more of the nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness is really not about the person being forgiven, it is about the person doing the forgiving. For me, it is about making a decision to deal with this person differently. It is also about changing me, accepting the other person in the relationship, and recognizing that I really don’t have the power to change the other person no matter how much I wish that I could.
I gained the understanding that intangible concepts like forgiveness and all of those other emotional and ethereal things have certain plasticity to them; they are malleable and can be stretched and shaped to our needs. Part of forgiveness for my situation is recognizing that because the person with whom I was in conflict is not going to change. They are going to continue to present the same type of off-putting and sometimes offensive behavior that they have been displaying as long as I can remember. Part of my responsibility is to keep reshaping and extending that forgiveness blanket to whatever shape and size it needs to be in order to cover any future acts. And more importantly, I will do my best not to take offense or dwell on the behaviors.
I think that the true essence of real forgiveness is limitless. The shape and size of my application of forgiveness are only limited by my own limitations. Maybe, just maybe, the Universe, or whoever I am around in the future, will be able to apply the same type of forgiveness to me when and if I ever go off the deep end and do something truly stupid.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Getting Out of My Own Way
Recently, on one of my daily walks, I saw a bumper sticker that said: “Let go & Let God.” I have seen a thousand similar bumper stickers and signs. This time I had to pay really close attention to this phrase, think about the current arc of my life, and figure out why I am not where I want to be. I am a reasonably intelligent person who works hard to accomplish my goals. I have exhibited good character and respect throughout my life. Why aren’t things going as I think that they should?
I think that I have stumbled, at least in part, upon the answer to that question. I have come to the conclusion that the greatest struggle that I am currently facing is the struggle to get out of my own way. Somehow, I have to avoid or eliminate the behaviors that limit and stifle the life that I am trying to consciously create for myself. I have to, for lack of a better word, transcend my training and learned behavior to get to the life and happiness that lies beyond my self-imposed limitations.
Most of my life, I have participated in activities that are dependent on my ability to think, to direct my emotion, and to control the outcome of events through achievement within certain pre-defined rules and guidelines. In most of the activities in which I have participated, I have been able to do pretty well. The places that I have not done well or even failed have been full of challenges in which I am not totally engaged, have not accepted the situation as valid, or not felt comfortable with the path toward the relevant goal.
When I look at my successes, they have, in many cases, come within the confines of a controlled system where the outcomes could be predicted and parameters of success were readily defined. My failures or less than stellar performances have come in arenas that are more amorphous and less structured. That is not to say that I have always failed in less defined situations. Instead, when I am out of my element, I am less likely to do well.
The easiest conclusion that I can draw about myself is that my level of success has been dependent on my level of comfort. That comfort is not really a physical condition, but a mental and emotional one. While this seems like a very obvious conclusion to make, it isn’t necessarily easy for me to admit. I am supposed to be adaptable and able to deal with different situations through force of intellect, strength of character, and people’s recognition of my value to the situations involved.
The more that I experience, the more that I learn that life is not about the artificial boundaries that I have set for myself or some artificial, arbitrary, and imposed system of human logic that is no more relevant to true life experience than it is to the reason that the sun shines. It is becoming clearer to me that the meaning of my life is the meaning that I give to it. And that meaning is only truly relevant to me and the path that I walk. I have also begun to accept that life, especially some of the most valuable parts, is not comfortable.
The more that I look at my life, the more that I see that life and success aren’t just about independent, self-contained talent or exhibiting mind-blowing excellence. Sometimes it is just being at the right place at the right time, recognizing opportunity, or any of a million other clichéd phrases. More generally, I think that I have missed a certain amount of openness and receptivity to what I could have done to enrich my experience. I just have to accept what life has presented and choose how to best deal with it.
I also must admit that I have allowed certain negative aspects of my experience to close off what could have been valuable lessons and experiences that could have propelled me so much farther toward the life that I want to lead. I have allowed a kind of experiential prejudice ruin the chance to grow, to do wonderful things, and to make me a better person. I have allowed to myself to stifle good things and not truly do the work to bring myself up to the level of living of which I know I am capable.
I have always considered my intellect to be my greatest strength. It has been the tool that I have used to accomplish most of the things in which I have found success. Recently, my intellect and accomplishments have become something of a burden or detriment. Some of the things that I have said and my interactions with people who do not share my background have been construed as intimidating or overwhelming. This fits with the times in that our country has been experiencing a prolonged wave of anti-intellectualism.
This doesn’t excuse my part in this set of circumstances. I have not displayed the type of forethought and mental flexibility necessary to counteract the potentially negative effects of my background and credentials on those who may not feel that they measure up. I have not reconfigured my presentation of myself to demonstrate my understanding of current circumstances and adapt to the real world. Instead, I have demanded that the world accept me on my terms without having a true need for me at all. I am not owed anything material by any specific person.
Even more importantly, I have gone too far by over-intellectualizing everything. (You can probably tell that by all of this verbosity.) My training and experience and my dependence on intellectual solutions to my problems have painted me into a corner or trapped me inside some type of Zen koan. I am only now coming to realize that there are not always logical solutions to problems that I face. In fact, many of my problems can not be solved logically or be solved by the things that I think will solve them.
My dependence on intellect and my desire to control circumstance have put me in conflict with the Universe or God or whatever is the best way to address that force that is all. Maybe I have, through my inability to allow things happen for me, forced myself into a metaphysical martial arts contest in which my greatest strength is being used against me. All of the (sometimes negative) over-thinking that I have done just gives power and form to poor outcomes. All of the intellectual pressure that I apply to situations to try to force my will into being is being redirected back at me with much greater intensity. And I have just not known how to handle it.
The best way that I can describe it is to compare myself to a gardener. I must provide the right amounts and ration of sunlight water and nutrients to get my garden (favorable situations) to grow. Too little and they wither away from lack of attention; too much and they are damaged or burnt from overdoing it. I have not yet found the right balance or amount and have burnt up my garden.
All of my attitudes and assumptions have me questioning my behavior within situations and toward the people that have passed through my life. It also has me trying to approach things differently. I think that I have to pull up and just allow situations to progress at their own individual paces. I also have to deal with things as they are and not try to project myself into or onto situations. I have to “let it do what it do.” I have get out of the way of my own progress, let the Universe/God handle things, and trust that at some point everything is going to be alright.
I think that I have stumbled, at least in part, upon the answer to that question. I have come to the conclusion that the greatest struggle that I am currently facing is the struggle to get out of my own way. Somehow, I have to avoid or eliminate the behaviors that limit and stifle the life that I am trying to consciously create for myself. I have to, for lack of a better word, transcend my training and learned behavior to get to the life and happiness that lies beyond my self-imposed limitations.
Most of my life, I have participated in activities that are dependent on my ability to think, to direct my emotion, and to control the outcome of events through achievement within certain pre-defined rules and guidelines. In most of the activities in which I have participated, I have been able to do pretty well. The places that I have not done well or even failed have been full of challenges in which I am not totally engaged, have not accepted the situation as valid, or not felt comfortable with the path toward the relevant goal.
When I look at my successes, they have, in many cases, come within the confines of a controlled system where the outcomes could be predicted and parameters of success were readily defined. My failures or less than stellar performances have come in arenas that are more amorphous and less structured. That is not to say that I have always failed in less defined situations. Instead, when I am out of my element, I am less likely to do well.
The easiest conclusion that I can draw about myself is that my level of success has been dependent on my level of comfort. That comfort is not really a physical condition, but a mental and emotional one. While this seems like a very obvious conclusion to make, it isn’t necessarily easy for me to admit. I am supposed to be adaptable and able to deal with different situations through force of intellect, strength of character, and people’s recognition of my value to the situations involved.
The more that I experience, the more that I learn that life is not about the artificial boundaries that I have set for myself or some artificial, arbitrary, and imposed system of human logic that is no more relevant to true life experience than it is to the reason that the sun shines. It is becoming clearer to me that the meaning of my life is the meaning that I give to it. And that meaning is only truly relevant to me and the path that I walk. I have also begun to accept that life, especially some of the most valuable parts, is not comfortable.
The more that I look at my life, the more that I see that life and success aren’t just about independent, self-contained talent or exhibiting mind-blowing excellence. Sometimes it is just being at the right place at the right time, recognizing opportunity, or any of a million other clichéd phrases. More generally, I think that I have missed a certain amount of openness and receptivity to what I could have done to enrich my experience. I just have to accept what life has presented and choose how to best deal with it.
I also must admit that I have allowed certain negative aspects of my experience to close off what could have been valuable lessons and experiences that could have propelled me so much farther toward the life that I want to lead. I have allowed a kind of experiential prejudice ruin the chance to grow, to do wonderful things, and to make me a better person. I have allowed to myself to stifle good things and not truly do the work to bring myself up to the level of living of which I know I am capable.
I have always considered my intellect to be my greatest strength. It has been the tool that I have used to accomplish most of the things in which I have found success. Recently, my intellect and accomplishments have become something of a burden or detriment. Some of the things that I have said and my interactions with people who do not share my background have been construed as intimidating or overwhelming. This fits with the times in that our country has been experiencing a prolonged wave of anti-intellectualism.
This doesn’t excuse my part in this set of circumstances. I have not displayed the type of forethought and mental flexibility necessary to counteract the potentially negative effects of my background and credentials on those who may not feel that they measure up. I have not reconfigured my presentation of myself to demonstrate my understanding of current circumstances and adapt to the real world. Instead, I have demanded that the world accept me on my terms without having a true need for me at all. I am not owed anything material by any specific person.
Even more importantly, I have gone too far by over-intellectualizing everything. (You can probably tell that by all of this verbosity.) My training and experience and my dependence on intellectual solutions to my problems have painted me into a corner or trapped me inside some type of Zen koan. I am only now coming to realize that there are not always logical solutions to problems that I face. In fact, many of my problems can not be solved logically or be solved by the things that I think will solve them.
My dependence on intellect and my desire to control circumstance have put me in conflict with the Universe or God or whatever is the best way to address that force that is all. Maybe I have, through my inability to allow things happen for me, forced myself into a metaphysical martial arts contest in which my greatest strength is being used against me. All of the (sometimes negative) over-thinking that I have done just gives power and form to poor outcomes. All of the intellectual pressure that I apply to situations to try to force my will into being is being redirected back at me with much greater intensity. And I have just not known how to handle it.
The best way that I can describe it is to compare myself to a gardener. I must provide the right amounts and ration of sunlight water and nutrients to get my garden (favorable situations) to grow. Too little and they wither away from lack of attention; too much and they are damaged or burnt from overdoing it. I have not yet found the right balance or amount and have burnt up my garden.
All of my attitudes and assumptions have me questioning my behavior within situations and toward the people that have passed through my life. It also has me trying to approach things differently. I think that I have to pull up and just allow situations to progress at their own individual paces. I also have to deal with things as they are and not try to project myself into or onto situations. I have to “let it do what it do.” I have get out of the way of my own progress, let the Universe/God handle things, and trust that at some point everything is going to be alright.
Friday, June 26, 2009
The King is Dead
Contrary to popular report, yesterday’s biggest news story was not celebrity death. My daughter turned three. (Happy birthday, Poo-Poo!!) That is the biggest thing that happened in the world in which I live. I must also note that it is her world and will be so until she declares it otherwise.
For those of you who do not share my world view, that is alright. I’m sure that the biggest story of your day was the death of two celebrities, Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. And obviously the bigger of the two is that of Michael Jackson. He has been one of the biggest stars in the world for the last twenty five years.
There are a lot of people out here mourning and being sad over this man’s death. I, however, have no tears to shed about this event. I spent a few hours contemplating why I had this immediate gut reaction and came to some conclusions that tell me that maybe my outlook on life is beginning to change for the better.
I have come to the conclusion that anyone that has made the choice to be sad and mourn for Michael Jackson has lost their mind. The most insightful thing that I can say about his passing is that I have looked at this man’s accomplishments and gained some real, true inspiration from his life. This really has nothing to with the fact that he has the highest selling album of all time or his longevity in the notoriously fickle music industry.
Instead, I gained insight and enlightenment from his self expression. Granted, I didn’t like some of the controversy that surrounded him or some of the results of his self expression. However, I have to give him credit and respect for having the balls to do what he wanted. Our world seems so focused on conformity that when someone steps out and decides to be different it blows everyone's mind in some way.
The man radically changed his appearance. I know that I have repeated the joke about how Michael Jackson went from being a Black man to being a white woman. Regardless of anyone’s opinion, he made the choice and had the guts to accept the consequences of his decision for good or bad. That type of transformation gets my respect because I probably wouldn’t have the guts to go all of the way with it. He did it whether anyone liked it or hated it.
This man had one of the greatest jobs possible. As a performer, he traveled the world many times over and made millions of dollars doing it. Without a doubt, he was one of the best ever. There are very few people that I have met that wouldn’t admit to liking at least one of his songs. When I look at his ability to do his thing, I have to show some admiration for his accomplishments in his profession.
He lived the way he wanted to live. There were people who had a lot more money than Michael Jackson. How many of them had the audacity to live exactly the way they wanted to live? The man had a petting zoo and an amusement park in his back yard complete with a roller coaster. Let me repeat this: a roller coaster. Never in a million years of introspection and contemplation would I have come up with the idea of having my own roller coaster just so I would not have to wait in line and get mobbed at the local amusement park. Never.
While all of this is cool, it is not the most important part of Michael Jackson’s life example. Michael was loved worldwide. He could quite possibly by the most beloved person on the planet. The only person that could possibly challenge him for supremacy in that arena is Muhammad Ali. Michael Jordan may come in a distant third, followed by Barack Obama and Nelson Mandela in no particular order.
Now, here is a warning. I am about to say something that might be considered offensive, irreligious, or downright blasphemous. More people loved Michael Jackson worldwide than Mohammed, Jesus, or Buddha. Keep in mind that people fight, kill, and die for these people and have been doing so for thousands of years. Michael has got them all beat. Also note, as far as the popularity contest goes, Mohammed, Jesus, and Buddha had head starts on him of 1500, 2000, and 2500 years respectively. And nobody is talking about killing anyone because it would make Michael happy.
I think that it is incumbent on me to try to figure out how this man was able to engender the type of love and devotion that he experienced on whatever level and try to duplicate his effort within the scope of my life. I figure that if I can get one tenth of the people that love Michael Jackson to even know my name, I will have done something phenomenal. So there is no way that I am going to grieve for Michael Jackson. The man lived enough in his 50 years, relatively a blink of the eye, for 10 or 20 people. Instead, I choose to take some of his example and try to step up my own game.
P.S. My sister wants to know if they are going to blood test those little white kids of his.
For those of you who do not share my world view, that is alright. I’m sure that the biggest story of your day was the death of two celebrities, Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. And obviously the bigger of the two is that of Michael Jackson. He has been one of the biggest stars in the world for the last twenty five years.
There are a lot of people out here mourning and being sad over this man’s death. I, however, have no tears to shed about this event. I spent a few hours contemplating why I had this immediate gut reaction and came to some conclusions that tell me that maybe my outlook on life is beginning to change for the better.
I have come to the conclusion that anyone that has made the choice to be sad and mourn for Michael Jackson has lost their mind. The most insightful thing that I can say about his passing is that I have looked at this man’s accomplishments and gained some real, true inspiration from his life. This really has nothing to with the fact that he has the highest selling album of all time or his longevity in the notoriously fickle music industry.
Instead, I gained insight and enlightenment from his self expression. Granted, I didn’t like some of the controversy that surrounded him or some of the results of his self expression. However, I have to give him credit and respect for having the balls to do what he wanted. Our world seems so focused on conformity that when someone steps out and decides to be different it blows everyone's mind in some way.
The man radically changed his appearance. I know that I have repeated the joke about how Michael Jackson went from being a Black man to being a white woman. Regardless of anyone’s opinion, he made the choice and had the guts to accept the consequences of his decision for good or bad. That type of transformation gets my respect because I probably wouldn’t have the guts to go all of the way with it. He did it whether anyone liked it or hated it.
This man had one of the greatest jobs possible. As a performer, he traveled the world many times over and made millions of dollars doing it. Without a doubt, he was one of the best ever. There are very few people that I have met that wouldn’t admit to liking at least one of his songs. When I look at his ability to do his thing, I have to show some admiration for his accomplishments in his profession.
He lived the way he wanted to live. There were people who had a lot more money than Michael Jackson. How many of them had the audacity to live exactly the way they wanted to live? The man had a petting zoo and an amusement park in his back yard complete with a roller coaster. Let me repeat this: a roller coaster. Never in a million years of introspection and contemplation would I have come up with the idea of having my own roller coaster just so I would not have to wait in line and get mobbed at the local amusement park. Never.
While all of this is cool, it is not the most important part of Michael Jackson’s life example. Michael was loved worldwide. He could quite possibly by the most beloved person on the planet. The only person that could possibly challenge him for supremacy in that arena is Muhammad Ali. Michael Jordan may come in a distant third, followed by Barack Obama and Nelson Mandela in no particular order.
Now, here is a warning. I am about to say something that might be considered offensive, irreligious, or downright blasphemous. More people loved Michael Jackson worldwide than Mohammed, Jesus, or Buddha. Keep in mind that people fight, kill, and die for these people and have been doing so for thousands of years. Michael has got them all beat. Also note, as far as the popularity contest goes, Mohammed, Jesus, and Buddha had head starts on him of 1500, 2000, and 2500 years respectively. And nobody is talking about killing anyone because it would make Michael happy.
I think that it is incumbent on me to try to figure out how this man was able to engender the type of love and devotion that he experienced on whatever level and try to duplicate his effort within the scope of my life. I figure that if I can get one tenth of the people that love Michael Jackson to even know my name, I will have done something phenomenal. So there is no way that I am going to grieve for Michael Jackson. The man lived enough in his 50 years, relatively a blink of the eye, for 10 or 20 people. Instead, I choose to take some of his example and try to step up my own game.
P.S. My sister wants to know if they are going to blood test those little white kids of his.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Money and Guilt
My little girl’s birthday is soon and I can’t afford to get her much. She is young now and probably won’t remember much of this time in her life. But I will. I don’t really know how I feel about these types of situations.
At this point in my life, I should be at the point of really being established. I should have at least one house, a growing savings, community ties, a thriving career or business, and a large network contacts that facilitate my agenda. At least that is what I was taught by society at large. Life has not panned out to be what society told me. I don’t know whether I should feel relieved, thankful, disappointed, angry or what. I just wish that I could buy my little girl a doll house or some other girly present so that I can see the smile on her pretty face.
I don’t feel like I’m guilty of not loving her or not showing her love. Yet, I do find it problematic that I can’t do the things that I want to do for her. I am broke as hell. Many people around me are acting like I should be ashamed for the way my life is going. They think that I should be happy to go do anything that will make me even a little money. My daughter and a few other people are the only ones who are not questioning my character or my attempts to find a better path. That says to me that maybe I should not worry about my current state and that I should keep moving.
I haven’t found a way to rid myself of the guilt, pressure, and anger that go with being at a real low point. I am only human and those things were conditioned into me. I am actually disturbed by this situation. Those who really know me would probably be surprised by this admission. (I can be really aloof, distant, and cavalier about life and stress.) What’s even more disturbing to me in this whole scenario is how important money is to me at a time like this.
I am not going to be naïve and tell anyone that money doesn’t matter. That would be a stupid and ridiculous lie. It makes all of the difference in the world, sometimes. It just shouldn’t make the difference all of the time. I haven’t reached a point in my personal development where I can truly separate myself from my frustration over being broke and the impact that my financial state has on my internal life. It impacts how I relate to my friends and relatives, how I spend my time, and how I prioritize my life.
Right now, I feel like I have very little choice in how my life is going. And I think that that is the heart of my self-conflict and emotional state. I can’t speak for anyone but myself. So all I can say is that choice, or even the illusion of choice, helps me to feel more empowered. Any triumphs or mistakes that I make or experience are truly mine and I can control them and own them. At this point I don’t feel that I have ownership of or control over anything.
Don’t make the mistake that I am going to shoot myself in the head. I am also through with self-pity parties. I just need to find my own answers about how I can move forward. I don’t think that is too much to ask of the Universe; that and a winning lottery ticket.
Anyway, I bought my kid a cute little Disney birthday card. I think that she will like it.
At this point in my life, I should be at the point of really being established. I should have at least one house, a growing savings, community ties, a thriving career or business, and a large network contacts that facilitate my agenda. At least that is what I was taught by society at large. Life has not panned out to be what society told me. I don’t know whether I should feel relieved, thankful, disappointed, angry or what. I just wish that I could buy my little girl a doll house or some other girly present so that I can see the smile on her pretty face.
I don’t feel like I’m guilty of not loving her or not showing her love. Yet, I do find it problematic that I can’t do the things that I want to do for her. I am broke as hell. Many people around me are acting like I should be ashamed for the way my life is going. They think that I should be happy to go do anything that will make me even a little money. My daughter and a few other people are the only ones who are not questioning my character or my attempts to find a better path. That says to me that maybe I should not worry about my current state and that I should keep moving.
I haven’t found a way to rid myself of the guilt, pressure, and anger that go with being at a real low point. I am only human and those things were conditioned into me. I am actually disturbed by this situation. Those who really know me would probably be surprised by this admission. (I can be really aloof, distant, and cavalier about life and stress.) What’s even more disturbing to me in this whole scenario is how important money is to me at a time like this.
I am not going to be naïve and tell anyone that money doesn’t matter. That would be a stupid and ridiculous lie. It makes all of the difference in the world, sometimes. It just shouldn’t make the difference all of the time. I haven’t reached a point in my personal development where I can truly separate myself from my frustration over being broke and the impact that my financial state has on my internal life. It impacts how I relate to my friends and relatives, how I spend my time, and how I prioritize my life.
Right now, I feel like I have very little choice in how my life is going. And I think that that is the heart of my self-conflict and emotional state. I can’t speak for anyone but myself. So all I can say is that choice, or even the illusion of choice, helps me to feel more empowered. Any triumphs or mistakes that I make or experience are truly mine and I can control them and own them. At this point I don’t feel that I have ownership of or control over anything.
Don’t make the mistake that I am going to shoot myself in the head. I am also through with self-pity parties. I just need to find my own answers about how I can move forward. I don’t think that is too much to ask of the Universe; that and a winning lottery ticket.
Anyway, I bought my kid a cute little Disney birthday card. I think that she will like it.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Limitation
Today I was the recipient of a subtle and very powerful lesson. It happened in a way I never would have expected. All that I can say is that I am grateful that I was alert enough to receive the lesson. Today I found that sometimes small things or a few well placed words can make all of the difference in the journey.
Without getting too deep into my business, I’ll tell you what happened. I had to get off of my ex’s phone plan. I had no idea what I was going to do. My pockets are anorexic and my credit is less than perfect. In other words, I am like a lot of people in this downturn. I can’t really blame the downturn, though. I am in an almost decade long personal recession that started on George W. Bush’s inauguration day.
Like I was saying, I had no idea of what I was going to do. I thought that I was going to get on my sister’s phone plan, but we found out that she was being cheated by her company. Then I asked my brother if I could get on his plan. He can be really iffy and sometimes-y, if you know what I mean. Then my sister came back and said that she would try to get a new plan with the company that I was trying to leave and that I could be on it with her. I was cool with that. So, we went to my cell phone company to see what we could work out. (I have no company endorsements, so I am not naming names to give any free ad space.)
We went to customer service and I laid out what I needed. I gave the customer service agent my particulars and asked her what we could do. As it turned out, my sister couldn’t go forward with the plan to consolidate our phones on one plan. I was starting to get a little bummed out because I knew that I was going to have to spend a whole bunch of money that I didn’t have on a security deposit. The lady that was helping me suggested that she just try to see what I could qualify for. I was about to say no when my sister chimed in to just let her go ahead and try.
Well, much to my surprise, I was able to get my own account with no upfront fees and no hassles. For those of you with a stellar FICO score and money, this is no big deal. In my current state of fiscal distress, that took some doing. Maybe that old pride or potential embarrassment got in the way; I don’t know. Whatever it was it almost stopped me from receiving something that I needed.
As I reflected on the incident and what it means to me, I came up with three things that I need to more fully integrate into my consciousness and my lifestyle. First, I need to be much, much more willing to ask for the things that I want and need. There is no telling what I might get if I simply ask. Second, I should have started with doing the most obvious thing. I have been a customer of that phone company since 2002. Of course they want to keep my business, especially in these hard economic times. I went through the convoluted path of trying to get others to help me when I should have tried to help myself first.
Third, and most importantly, I accepted self-imposed limitations on my access to what I needed. This is probably the most criminal thing that I did against myself. I believed something that the media and all of the naysayers around me were pumping into my head. I did this without question. I spent a whole bunch of time worrying about my credit score and all of the things that I couldn’t do and didn’t have. I chained myself down with some BS and almost missed out on a good opportunity to start getting back on my feet.
As I look back on the last few years, I am beginning to recognize how this type of behavior has probably stopped me from getting a lot of things that I want out of life. I can’t say that I have totally assimilated all of this. I can say that I am going to be much more aware of how I approach these types of situations. I am also more cognizant of how much everyone around me is engaging in these self limiting behaviors. I can’t begin to count how many times people have said that they couldn’t get what they really wanted or how sometimes we have to sacrifice our dreams and interests and “be realistic.” I really hate that phrase, by the way. It seems to be just another way of saying: “Give up. Your dreams and goals aren’t worth a damn. Join us down here in the hell of wasted potential and fear of success.”
I have spent a lot of time over the last four years expecting the worst to happen in a lot of situations. That expectation could very well have turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy that precipitated the breakdowns that I have been experiencing in my life. It makes me wonder how much time I have wasted and how many real opportunities that I have squandered by not speaking up. What have I missed by not taking a chance and asking for what I want? Is this why I haven’t manifested what I truly want out of life?
I am not going to spend any more time contemplating what might have been. Instead, I am just going to be more prepared to recognize the openings that life provides and make a real effort not to get in my own way over things that I have, in the past, perceived to be limitations.
Without getting too deep into my business, I’ll tell you what happened. I had to get off of my ex’s phone plan. I had no idea what I was going to do. My pockets are anorexic and my credit is less than perfect. In other words, I am like a lot of people in this downturn. I can’t really blame the downturn, though. I am in an almost decade long personal recession that started on George W. Bush’s inauguration day.
Like I was saying, I had no idea of what I was going to do. I thought that I was going to get on my sister’s phone plan, but we found out that she was being cheated by her company. Then I asked my brother if I could get on his plan. He can be really iffy and sometimes-y, if you know what I mean. Then my sister came back and said that she would try to get a new plan with the company that I was trying to leave and that I could be on it with her. I was cool with that. So, we went to my cell phone company to see what we could work out. (I have no company endorsements, so I am not naming names to give any free ad space.)
We went to customer service and I laid out what I needed. I gave the customer service agent my particulars and asked her what we could do. As it turned out, my sister couldn’t go forward with the plan to consolidate our phones on one plan. I was starting to get a little bummed out because I knew that I was going to have to spend a whole bunch of money that I didn’t have on a security deposit. The lady that was helping me suggested that she just try to see what I could qualify for. I was about to say no when my sister chimed in to just let her go ahead and try.
Well, much to my surprise, I was able to get my own account with no upfront fees and no hassles. For those of you with a stellar FICO score and money, this is no big deal. In my current state of fiscal distress, that took some doing. Maybe that old pride or potential embarrassment got in the way; I don’t know. Whatever it was it almost stopped me from receiving something that I needed.
As I reflected on the incident and what it means to me, I came up with three things that I need to more fully integrate into my consciousness and my lifestyle. First, I need to be much, much more willing to ask for the things that I want and need. There is no telling what I might get if I simply ask. Second, I should have started with doing the most obvious thing. I have been a customer of that phone company since 2002. Of course they want to keep my business, especially in these hard economic times. I went through the convoluted path of trying to get others to help me when I should have tried to help myself first.
Third, and most importantly, I accepted self-imposed limitations on my access to what I needed. This is probably the most criminal thing that I did against myself. I believed something that the media and all of the naysayers around me were pumping into my head. I did this without question. I spent a whole bunch of time worrying about my credit score and all of the things that I couldn’t do and didn’t have. I chained myself down with some BS and almost missed out on a good opportunity to start getting back on my feet.
As I look back on the last few years, I am beginning to recognize how this type of behavior has probably stopped me from getting a lot of things that I want out of life. I can’t say that I have totally assimilated all of this. I can say that I am going to be much more aware of how I approach these types of situations. I am also more cognizant of how much everyone around me is engaging in these self limiting behaviors. I can’t begin to count how many times people have said that they couldn’t get what they really wanted or how sometimes we have to sacrifice our dreams and interests and “be realistic.” I really hate that phrase, by the way. It seems to be just another way of saying: “Give up. Your dreams and goals aren’t worth a damn. Join us down here in the hell of wasted potential and fear of success.”
I have spent a lot of time over the last four years expecting the worst to happen in a lot of situations. That expectation could very well have turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy that precipitated the breakdowns that I have been experiencing in my life. It makes me wonder how much time I have wasted and how many real opportunities that I have squandered by not speaking up. What have I missed by not taking a chance and asking for what I want? Is this why I haven’t manifested what I truly want out of life?
I am not going to spend any more time contemplating what might have been. Instead, I am just going to be more prepared to recognize the openings that life provides and make a real effort not to get in my own way over things that I have, in the past, perceived to be limitations.
Monday, June 22, 2009
It's Not Personal
One of the hardest lessons that I have trying to learn over the last year or so is that of not taking things personally. I can definitely say that I have not learned the lesson completely because I keep falling into the trap of getting angry at situations and people that try to put me into awkward positions in life. I am still trying to correct outside influences instead of correcting my own attitudes toward these situations and people.
Because of my circumstances, I have been the target of a lot of personal attacks by people who think that I am at fault for everything that is wrong with the world. Huge, familiar parts of the world are breaking down and taking a lot of established and “stable” ideas and ways of life with them. Somehow, I am supposed to be immune to these sweeping changes. Somehow, I am above it all and just not trying to do better. There is no convincing my attackers and detractors that there are forces at work that are beyond my control that are shaping and reshaping our reality.
Whatever is going on and whatever the source of this upheaval, one thing is certain: the world is rapidly changing (edit) and is becoming is a much different place than we were told it was. Things are no longer guaranteed to happen in any specific order, if at all. Things that I thought were connected are no longer so. Some things that were once solid no longer exist in any palpable fashion.
I am only now beginning to consider how the massive changes in today’s world are affecting everyone. People are afraid, tense, and on edge. As such, everyone is doing more things that would normally be considered irrational or even insane. And that includes projecting internal conflicts onto people who have nothing to do with the real struggle that is being faced in today’s world. I have had those days when I have gone off on someone for no apparent reason for something that just came out of left field.
Over the last few years, I have had people who in every conversation with me have questioned my motivation, my work ethic, my intelligence and common sense, and, most offensively, my character. It gets really hard to talk to people whose first instinct is to imply that you are a liar, especially when those people have no standing to accuse anyone of lying. It is even worse when those people are supposed to be those closest to me and those upon whom I should be able to depend.
All of this leads me to the lesson that I have been trying to learn. I am recognizing that most of the things that think that we say to others are really externalizations of our inner dialogue. People are attempting to communicate their own fears, joys, triumphs, and failures. Everyone is justifying their own actions to themselves for good or bad. We all do this. We are all guilty of the same “crime” so to speak.
Considering all of this, I am trying to understand myself and my reactions. I am also trying to use this thought process to understand the people with whom I have come into conflict. I am attempting to dig beneath the surface to find out what is really motivating people to say and do things that they are saying and doing. Whether I can or cannot make sense of it, I try to let it go without hesitation. Are they angry at themselves or someone else for something that is out of their control? Are they expressing guilt and anxiety? Am I taking all of this out of context? Whatever it is, I have begun to make an effort to not react from anger or a heightened sense of self defense.
Instead, I am trying to squash conflict and minimize aggression. To be honest, it’s hard. Sometimes, it just feels better to let loose on someone who steps out of line or says something ridiculous. Sometimes, it is really hard not to let anger overrule the love that we are all supposed to be expressing out here. (Maybe, I am fooling myself about the love, but I hope not.)
Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to give a message of warm and fuzzy, New Age, let’s all move to a commune, peace, love, and happiness. I am consciously trying to volunteer out of the stress, misery, and BS that is so pervasive out here. For the most part it’s not necessary and I am trying to recognize it that way. I can’t yet call myself successful in this; all that I can do is keep working at it.
As part of this, I have to remember that everyone is projecting some part of their inner conflict out into this world that we share. Everyone has some part of that conflict that is irrational and cannot be reasoned with. When I feel like I am being attacked, I have to recognize that there are things that the things being said and done have nothing to do with me. I try to understand that despite the unpleasantness, I am just a target in someone else’s game. That doesn’t mean that I am just going to take it. Instead, I try to deal with things in a more gentle way so as to minimize the potential damage.
I also have to recognize that I am just as guilty of projecting some of my own unpleasantness onto people and situations. Hopefully, I can recognize the trap and thus avoid it. I have my good days and my bad days at recognition. More than that I hope that I can let go of any potential hurt caused by conflict, give no meaning to the situations that I face, and not question my character in the process.
Mixed in with all of this contemplation, I still try to listen actively. Sometimes what people say to me is for my benefit. I don’t want to fade so far into a sense of self righteousness that I forget that sometimes people are trying to say things that can help me. Sometimes my stuff really does stink.
I think that thing that gets me through a lot of the conflict and nonsense that I face is the knowledge that I am not alone in this struggle. Everyone is hurting. The more people that recognize it, the easier that it will be to not kick the crap out of each other over things that don’t really matter.
Because of my circumstances, I have been the target of a lot of personal attacks by people who think that I am at fault for everything that is wrong with the world. Huge, familiar parts of the world are breaking down and taking a lot of established and “stable” ideas and ways of life with them. Somehow, I am supposed to be immune to these sweeping changes. Somehow, I am above it all and just not trying to do better. There is no convincing my attackers and detractors that there are forces at work that are beyond my control that are shaping and reshaping our reality.
Whatever is going on and whatever the source of this upheaval, one thing is certain: the world is rapidly changing (edit) and is becoming is a much different place than we were told it was. Things are no longer guaranteed to happen in any specific order, if at all. Things that I thought were connected are no longer so. Some things that were once solid no longer exist in any palpable fashion.
I am only now beginning to consider how the massive changes in today’s world are affecting everyone. People are afraid, tense, and on edge. As such, everyone is doing more things that would normally be considered irrational or even insane. And that includes projecting internal conflicts onto people who have nothing to do with the real struggle that is being faced in today’s world. I have had those days when I have gone off on someone for no apparent reason for something that just came out of left field.
Over the last few years, I have had people who in every conversation with me have questioned my motivation, my work ethic, my intelligence and common sense, and, most offensively, my character. It gets really hard to talk to people whose first instinct is to imply that you are a liar, especially when those people have no standing to accuse anyone of lying. It is even worse when those people are supposed to be those closest to me and those upon whom I should be able to depend.
All of this leads me to the lesson that I have been trying to learn. I am recognizing that most of the things that think that we say to others are really externalizations of our inner dialogue. People are attempting to communicate their own fears, joys, triumphs, and failures. Everyone is justifying their own actions to themselves for good or bad. We all do this. We are all guilty of the same “crime” so to speak.
Considering all of this, I am trying to understand myself and my reactions. I am also trying to use this thought process to understand the people with whom I have come into conflict. I am attempting to dig beneath the surface to find out what is really motivating people to say and do things that they are saying and doing. Whether I can or cannot make sense of it, I try to let it go without hesitation. Are they angry at themselves or someone else for something that is out of their control? Are they expressing guilt and anxiety? Am I taking all of this out of context? Whatever it is, I have begun to make an effort to not react from anger or a heightened sense of self defense.
Instead, I am trying to squash conflict and minimize aggression. To be honest, it’s hard. Sometimes, it just feels better to let loose on someone who steps out of line or says something ridiculous. Sometimes, it is really hard not to let anger overrule the love that we are all supposed to be expressing out here. (Maybe, I am fooling myself about the love, but I hope not.)
Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to give a message of warm and fuzzy, New Age, let’s all move to a commune, peace, love, and happiness. I am consciously trying to volunteer out of the stress, misery, and BS that is so pervasive out here. For the most part it’s not necessary and I am trying to recognize it that way. I can’t yet call myself successful in this; all that I can do is keep working at it.
As part of this, I have to remember that everyone is projecting some part of their inner conflict out into this world that we share. Everyone has some part of that conflict that is irrational and cannot be reasoned with. When I feel like I am being attacked, I have to recognize that there are things that the things being said and done have nothing to do with me. I try to understand that despite the unpleasantness, I am just a target in someone else’s game. That doesn’t mean that I am just going to take it. Instead, I try to deal with things in a more gentle way so as to minimize the potential damage.
I also have to recognize that I am just as guilty of projecting some of my own unpleasantness onto people and situations. Hopefully, I can recognize the trap and thus avoid it. I have my good days and my bad days at recognition. More than that I hope that I can let go of any potential hurt caused by conflict, give no meaning to the situations that I face, and not question my character in the process.
Mixed in with all of this contemplation, I still try to listen actively. Sometimes what people say to me is for my benefit. I don’t want to fade so far into a sense of self righteousness that I forget that sometimes people are trying to say things that can help me. Sometimes my stuff really does stink.
I think that thing that gets me through a lot of the conflict and nonsense that I face is the knowledge that I am not alone in this struggle. Everyone is hurting. The more people that recognize it, the easier that it will be to not kick the crap out of each other over things that don’t really matter.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Failure 101
I think that most people in the US agree that our educational system is in the toilet. We are ranked worldwide anywhere from 15th to 25th (maybe lower depending on who you ask) among industrialized nations in terms of quality of public education. The reason for this varies among the people you ask. Some will tell you that it is quality of teachers while others will tell you that that it is school funding. Some will tell you that it is lack of good parenting, and still others will tell you that it is standardized curriculum that robs good teachers of their autonomy. Or maybe it’s “No Child Left Behind.”
Whatever the true root of the problem, I have not come to solve or even diagnose the problem. Instead, I have come to offer a suggestion. If they ever get around to fixing all of the things wrong with the educational system, they should include a new course of study to the curriculum: Failure.
Before you tell me that I have lost my mind, hear (read) me out. Failure is the single greatest teacher that mankind or any species on this earth has ever known. Think about it.
Here is a profound example for you skeptics out there. Experts will tell you that something like 75-90% of all of the learning that we do in life is done before the age of six. From birth to age six, we learn to walk, talk, run, use the bathroom, play with toys, use our imagination, fight, manipulate people, climb trees, ride bikes, throw balls, have pretend tea parties, and all manner of complex things that we can not easily explain or quantify. How long do think it would take a team of advanced computer programmers to program a computer to hold a real interactive conversation with a human being at the level of the average six year old?
If you notice, kids in this age range learn by failing. No one comes out of the womb knowing how to walk or talk. They spend a great deal of their time as they are learning to walk falling down – i.e. failing. Kids just don’t happen to know that they are failing. They keep on getting up until they get it right. After they achieve mastery, they move on to the next important thing like practicing their writing techniques (all over everything).
Most of the things and people that we hold in the highest esteem are predicated on failing. A major league baseball player with a career .300 batting average can make millions even though he fails 70% of the time. Edison failed hundreds of times before getting the light bulb right. Musicians spent thousands of hours honing their craft; many of those hours are spent playing wrong notes or rhythms.
These are classic and somewhat corny examples but they do make the point that failure teaches more thoroughly than anything else that anyone could invent.
Acknowledging failure as a teacher is the exact opposite of how our educational system indoctrinates us. We have spelling bees in which misspelling a word eliminates you from competition. If you make less that 60%, and in some cases 70%, on a test, you fail. Getting 90% or above connotes excellence, but does it really indicate that you learned anything.
We all know that kid that never studied and aced all of his/her tests with infuriating regularity. (I must admit that for most of my school life, I was that kid.) That kid really wasn’t learning. He or she was simply memorizing rote information and regurgitating it back in the form in which it was requested.
I propose that we should expose kids at an early age to tasks that are impossible to solve. Maybe we should give them puzzles with pieces missing or occasionally remove letter blocks on spelling day. Kids in elementary, middle, and high school should be given tasks that are several grade levels too high or impossible to complete to teach them that not all things in life have a readily available or pre-packaged solution.
How much better would our world be if people didn’t take failing at a given task to heart. When you can’t figure out why you can’t put together that cabinet you bought at Wal-Mart, you won’t rage for three hours until you figure out that they didn’t put all of the pieces in the box. How many Dick Cheney’s would be turned away from the dark side without the frustrating modern connotations of failure to corrupt them?
The greatest lesson that we could all learn from a class on failure is to learn to separate the act of failing from being a failure. Ultimately, we should learn that the difference between those two states is our level of perseverance and that our attitudes toward failure are a choice.
Whatever the true root of the problem, I have not come to solve or even diagnose the problem. Instead, I have come to offer a suggestion. If they ever get around to fixing all of the things wrong with the educational system, they should include a new course of study to the curriculum: Failure.
Before you tell me that I have lost my mind, hear (read) me out. Failure is the single greatest teacher that mankind or any species on this earth has ever known. Think about it.
Here is a profound example for you skeptics out there. Experts will tell you that something like 75-90% of all of the learning that we do in life is done before the age of six. From birth to age six, we learn to walk, talk, run, use the bathroom, play with toys, use our imagination, fight, manipulate people, climb trees, ride bikes, throw balls, have pretend tea parties, and all manner of complex things that we can not easily explain or quantify. How long do think it would take a team of advanced computer programmers to program a computer to hold a real interactive conversation with a human being at the level of the average six year old?
If you notice, kids in this age range learn by failing. No one comes out of the womb knowing how to walk or talk. They spend a great deal of their time as they are learning to walk falling down – i.e. failing. Kids just don’t happen to know that they are failing. They keep on getting up until they get it right. After they achieve mastery, they move on to the next important thing like practicing their writing techniques (all over everything).
Most of the things and people that we hold in the highest esteem are predicated on failing. A major league baseball player with a career .300 batting average can make millions even though he fails 70% of the time. Edison failed hundreds of times before getting the light bulb right. Musicians spent thousands of hours honing their craft; many of those hours are spent playing wrong notes or rhythms.
These are classic and somewhat corny examples but they do make the point that failure teaches more thoroughly than anything else that anyone could invent.
Acknowledging failure as a teacher is the exact opposite of how our educational system indoctrinates us. We have spelling bees in which misspelling a word eliminates you from competition. If you make less that 60%, and in some cases 70%, on a test, you fail. Getting 90% or above connotes excellence, but does it really indicate that you learned anything.
We all know that kid that never studied and aced all of his/her tests with infuriating regularity. (I must admit that for most of my school life, I was that kid.) That kid really wasn’t learning. He or she was simply memorizing rote information and regurgitating it back in the form in which it was requested.
I propose that we should expose kids at an early age to tasks that are impossible to solve. Maybe we should give them puzzles with pieces missing or occasionally remove letter blocks on spelling day. Kids in elementary, middle, and high school should be given tasks that are several grade levels too high or impossible to complete to teach them that not all things in life have a readily available or pre-packaged solution.
How much better would our world be if people didn’t take failing at a given task to heart. When you can’t figure out why you can’t put together that cabinet you bought at Wal-Mart, you won’t rage for three hours until you figure out that they didn’t put all of the pieces in the box. How many Dick Cheney’s would be turned away from the dark side without the frustrating modern connotations of failure to corrupt them?
The greatest lesson that we could all learn from a class on failure is to learn to separate the act of failing from being a failure. Ultimately, we should learn that the difference between those two states is our level of perseverance and that our attitudes toward failure are a choice.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Introduction
I have had several people to tell me that I should start a blog. I don’t necessarily think that my opinions are any more important than those of anyone else. As such, I put it off for years. I finally got to the point where I needed an outlet to express myself and to make some comments on life as I see it.
Finally, I wised up and started this blog because I felt that it was time for me to be heard. I have a few things to say that I think haven’t been said or have not been said loudly enough. Some of those things may be on the mark or way out in left field. I really don’t care whether anyone agrees with me, as long as my opinions cause people to think and consider the possibilities of whatever is being discussed.
I decided to call this expression “New Man Rising.” This phrase presents several things that I think are relevant to me and to the people who are around me. The phrase has to do with a large part of this American paradigm that I live in. America, since its inception, has represented opportunity in economic, social, and spiritual terms. We here have the chance to redefine ourselves and truly become what we want to be. Without sounding corny, people of all backgrounds have been able to redefine themselves and create realities for themselves based on their own design and belief, both for positive and negative.
I think that as residents of the Western Hemisphere, we are all new men and women. The people that come over in various waves from Europe, Africa, and Asia were able to build something new and “seek their fortunes” in ways that were not available before the advent of this time or age or whatever. There are entirely new racial, social, and identity paradigms that are wholly original and new to our history and existence on this planet. All of this newness has given people the opportunity to synthesize and create whole new cultural expressions like jazz and Caribbean music which take elements from old forms but really cannot be expressed in old terms.
We can definitely look at this experiment that is America and at the Western Hemisphere in its basest historical terms and pull out the negativity inherent in events of the past. We can look at all of the wars, disease, slavery, and slaughter brought by European conquerors and say how evil and inhumane these people’s actions were. And indeed, they were pretty inhumane and heinous. We can also realize that these people were products of their own hardscrabble environment and upbringing. Most of the time, we don’t recognize that the average American living in poverty has a better lifestyle than many of the European monarchs that lived prior to the 20th century. I choose to put that history in the past without reliving it and without forgetting it. I instead choose to look at the possibilities.
On a more personal level, I use the phrase “New Man Rising” to represent myself. I use it to acknowledge the personal and deeply spiritual (not religious, there is a difference) transformation that I have been experiencing over the past few years. My goal has been to redefine myself on my own terms. I realized that I did not need to embrace others definitions of success or happiness. My ideas are the only ones that really matter to me; they are the only ones that I truly care about. I don’t mean that I will disrespect people’s opinions or advice. It means that I prefer to keep my own counsel and listen to my own instincts and experience where it is appropriate.
“New Man Rising” also refers to a book by Robert Anton Wilson called Prometheus Rising. This book has had a profound effect on me and my thinking. Reflecting on what Wilson has written reminds me that we are all products and victims of our upbringing. We all develop defense mechanisms and world views based on what we were taught as children. Wilson stresses that we all have the capacity to consciously change our outlook and thus change our world. I choose to adopt this philosophy myself and apply it to my life to improve myself.
Now to conclude this overly long introduction, I will tell you what I want to accomplish with this blog. I hope to foster discussion and thought about the things that I write. I intend to discuss things from everyday life that I think are important and that I think need to be more closely examined. I think that we are so engrossed in the common us vs. them mentality that we miss some of the finer and more salient points of the real issues that face us everyday. There are enough people engaged in base and least common denominator discussions. One more is not needed. I have no intention of embracing either party line or giving opinions that could be gotten from popular media’s talking heads. I also do not intend to regurgitate others opinions when I don’t have one of my own. That’s a waste of my time and that of anyone who cares to read my work. Finally, and most importantly, I intend to expose and share some of my transformation, for good or ill. Maybe my triumphs or mistakes will help somebody out there in the “Internets” to realize successes similar to mine more quickly or to not repeat my mistakes.
We live in very interesting times. As such there is plenty around me to discuss and comment on. So, away we go.
Finally, I wised up and started this blog because I felt that it was time for me to be heard. I have a few things to say that I think haven’t been said or have not been said loudly enough. Some of those things may be on the mark or way out in left field. I really don’t care whether anyone agrees with me, as long as my opinions cause people to think and consider the possibilities of whatever is being discussed.
I decided to call this expression “New Man Rising.” This phrase presents several things that I think are relevant to me and to the people who are around me. The phrase has to do with a large part of this American paradigm that I live in. America, since its inception, has represented opportunity in economic, social, and spiritual terms. We here have the chance to redefine ourselves and truly become what we want to be. Without sounding corny, people of all backgrounds have been able to redefine themselves and create realities for themselves based on their own design and belief, both for positive and negative.
I think that as residents of the Western Hemisphere, we are all new men and women. The people that come over in various waves from Europe, Africa, and Asia were able to build something new and “seek their fortunes” in ways that were not available before the advent of this time or age or whatever. There are entirely new racial, social, and identity paradigms that are wholly original and new to our history and existence on this planet. All of this newness has given people the opportunity to synthesize and create whole new cultural expressions like jazz and Caribbean music which take elements from old forms but really cannot be expressed in old terms.
We can definitely look at this experiment that is America and at the Western Hemisphere in its basest historical terms and pull out the negativity inherent in events of the past. We can look at all of the wars, disease, slavery, and slaughter brought by European conquerors and say how evil and inhumane these people’s actions were. And indeed, they were pretty inhumane and heinous. We can also realize that these people were products of their own hardscrabble environment and upbringing. Most of the time, we don’t recognize that the average American living in poverty has a better lifestyle than many of the European monarchs that lived prior to the 20th century. I choose to put that history in the past without reliving it and without forgetting it. I instead choose to look at the possibilities.
On a more personal level, I use the phrase “New Man Rising” to represent myself. I use it to acknowledge the personal and deeply spiritual (not religious, there is a difference) transformation that I have been experiencing over the past few years. My goal has been to redefine myself on my own terms. I realized that I did not need to embrace others definitions of success or happiness. My ideas are the only ones that really matter to me; they are the only ones that I truly care about. I don’t mean that I will disrespect people’s opinions or advice. It means that I prefer to keep my own counsel and listen to my own instincts and experience where it is appropriate.
“New Man Rising” also refers to a book by Robert Anton Wilson called Prometheus Rising. This book has had a profound effect on me and my thinking. Reflecting on what Wilson has written reminds me that we are all products and victims of our upbringing. We all develop defense mechanisms and world views based on what we were taught as children. Wilson stresses that we all have the capacity to consciously change our outlook and thus change our world. I choose to adopt this philosophy myself and apply it to my life to improve myself.
Now to conclude this overly long introduction, I will tell you what I want to accomplish with this blog. I hope to foster discussion and thought about the things that I write. I intend to discuss things from everyday life that I think are important and that I think need to be more closely examined. I think that we are so engrossed in the common us vs. them mentality that we miss some of the finer and more salient points of the real issues that face us everyday. There are enough people engaged in base and least common denominator discussions. One more is not needed. I have no intention of embracing either party line or giving opinions that could be gotten from popular media’s talking heads. I also do not intend to regurgitate others opinions when I don’t have one of my own. That’s a waste of my time and that of anyone who cares to read my work. Finally, and most importantly, I intend to expose and share some of my transformation, for good or ill. Maybe my triumphs or mistakes will help somebody out there in the “Internets” to realize successes similar to mine more quickly or to not repeat my mistakes.
We live in very interesting times. As such there is plenty around me to discuss and comment on. So, away we go.
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